I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Randomize
