I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
