i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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