Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
