Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Randomize