i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
