Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I think a kid would responsible me up
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
