walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize