she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Pants are for mortals
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize