Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
