So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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