Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Randomize
