Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
