My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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