Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
third nipple confirmed
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
