I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
