how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
