4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
