I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
