after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Drake has all the answers
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
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