dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
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