The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
