I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
literally had 100 drinks last night.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
