So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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