I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
