I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
