So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
