Dude my mom stole all your condoms
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
