Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
It's just like the Real World with babies
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
