i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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