Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize