and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
