His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
