Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
