The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
