It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
