we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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