bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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