Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
