Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
