took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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