i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
