Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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