Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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