I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
