And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
