Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
