Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
