i wish starbucks made bloody marys
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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