She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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