i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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