will power is for people who don't want to get laid
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize