I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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