Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
