He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
