actually, I'm a sock model
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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