dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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