Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
