Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
We talked him into tasing himself.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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