The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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