is your mom at the bar?
My room smells like vodka and shame
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
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