Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Randomize
