So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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