I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
