i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
