i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
