I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
