Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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