I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
