VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
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