hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
