Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
