thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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